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There are families, young folk and the old blokes who live upstairs. When your meal comes out, and the servings are big, fellow punters chime in with a bit of "ooohhh" and "good luck finishing that mate".
Occasionally, the pub rolls the dice on a new innovation like a trivia night. But seriously, with all the conversations taking place around the bar, on the big issues like Thommo's new teeth, you can barely hear the quiz master.
And who really cares who the first prime minister of Australia was when Thommo went to Thailand and had a root canal and an implant done for under two grand.
Sure, pubs have got to keep up with the times. They've got some Mountain Goat on tap at my local and some of that strawberry cider, and pork sliders did turn up on the menu one night, but no one ordered them.
These days with churches in decline and everyone on their phones, people crave a bit of community and human company. I'm sure if you turned off the 43 TVs and pulled out a piano, we could have a great singalong at the pub.
OK, you'd have to pick the right song. Beer Barrel Polka might be a bit old-fashioned and sure, When the Saints Go Marching In would divide people along football lines, but pound the keys with a bit of Khe Sanh and the place would come alive.
Nothing lasts forever and word has got out recently, well, it was in the local paper, that our pub has applied for a pokies licence. It's been the talk of the bar.
They're planning a full reno with a flash sports bar, maybe a rooftop terrace or two, and the bit where the old blokes live upstairs will be replaced by a Mexican organic vegetarian restaurant.
OK, I made that last bit up, but it's probably part of the phase three plans. Old-fashioned pubs are dying out and one day they'll all be gone, replaced by apartment buildings or cold-pressed juice shops.
In the current economic climate, they need pokies to prop them up, to keep them running, so the business people say. If that's the case, why can't we try having the pokies, except at a different location?
A bit like those ships that used to house convicts in 18th century England. The "pokies pontoon" we could call them. And then one dark, stormy night they could all be washed out to sea.
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